Going through a break-up is difficult for both people, particularly if it was an important relationship. Relationships take time, effort, and trust to build. But sometimes break-ups occur impulsively and one or both partners didn’t really mean it. You may wish you and your ex hadn’t broken up and wonder if you can figure out a way to get back together. Here you’ll find 8 steps to convincing your ex to get back together with you.
They still care:
1. Realize that there’s a good chance that your ex still cares about you. Feelings don’t disappear overnight. This is why so many couples end up back together again and again – they have a hard time leaving behind the feelings for their ex even after the relationship is over. Your heart doesn’t have an on and off switch.Because of this, it may be easier to get back with your ex than it is to get into a new relationship. You two already know each other so well and know one another’s tastes and preferences.
2. You’re comfortable together and enjoy spending time with one another. So falling back into a relationship can often happen before people are aware of it. So go into any conversation with your ex with the knowledge that they probably still care and that confidence will help improve your chances of getting back together.
Starting the conversation:
2. Ask your ex how they feel. This is the easiest way to tell if your ex still has feelings for you and if there is a chance to get back together again. The toughest part might be initiating the conversation about getting back together. Saying something to your ex like “I just wanted to talk to you about how you’ve been doing” can begin a conversation. Take the time to sit down and listen to your ex. Don’t be in a rush to talk or tell your own side. The more space you give your ex to express themselves the more likely they will be to feel their old feelings and express to you how much they still care. If they don’t bring up anything about the relationship be more direct and ask “have you thought about us lately?” and “how are you feeling about the break-up?” to start your ex talking about their feelings.
What to say:
3. Make sure you tell your ex exactly what they mean to you and how much you care. It’s important to be open and honest about your feelings without sounding desperate. Something like “I still care deeply about you and I know we can make this work” sounds convincing and persuasive. Never imply that you can’t live without your ex or that you’ll do something reckless if you don’t get back together. This just makes you sound desperate and weak and gives your ex all of the power. You don’t want your ex getting back together with you out of pity because that kind of reunion won’t last very long. You want your ex to get back together with you because they still have feelings for you.
4. After you’ve appealed to your ex’s emotional side, tell them all the logical reasons you two should get back together. Perhaps you share a lot of common activities or interests, or you each love one another’s families. Point out these amazing things you two have between you that help your ex to see that you two make sense together. Consider writing out a list of “reasons we make sense” and giving it to your ex as a physical reminder of how much you two have in common.
Key points in convincing your ex to come back:
5. Take time to examine the relationship and figure out what you can change to improve it. Take responsibility for things you have done wrong that can easily be mended. Did your ex get fed up with your constant tardiness? Then make a commitment to be on time for dates from now on. Did your ex need more compliments? Set your watch to remind you to compliment them once a day. Taking the time to figure out how you can improve things in your relationship will impress your ex due to your dedication and commitment.
6. Follow through with any changes you’ve promised. Following through on your promises builds trust and closeness in your relationship. Trust is something that you’re actively trying to rebuild when getting back together. So, it’s essential to follow through to show your ex that they can trust you and that the relationship really is worth saving. If there are any small changes you can demonstrate during the discussion, do it. Immediate changes you might make include being more patient with your ex or listening more.
7. Make contact. It’s essential that when you talk to your ex about getting back together that you make physical contact. The intimacy hormone oxytocin is amplified through touch. So even if it’s only a hug or caress on the arm, any touch will begin to connect you in your ex physically.
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