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Important Concepts: Am I on the Rebound?
- The biggest sign you are still on the rebound is that you are not content when you are alone because of persistent thoughts related to your break up or you experience intense loneliness.
- Dating on the rebound is a bad idea because your motives are backwards – instead of dating someone because they make you happy or because they add to your life, rebounders will seek companionship because it offers them a temporary fix for their pain, loneliness or they do it to make their ex jealous.
- Figuring out if you are on the rebound requires that you are honest with yourself – it is easy to lie to yourself, remain in denial, and take the easy road out by dating the first person you meet; like anything else in life, the easy way out is often not the best way.
- The 2 hallmarks of a rebounder are: Erratic behaviour and desperation.
Now on to “Am I on the Rebound? The 7 Signs” -
#7 – Your emotions, thoughts and major decisions seem to change day-to-day or hour-hour
People on the rebound are emotionally fragile, erratic and lost. If you find you cant make a decision without questioning yourself – or if you find that you seem to change your mind often about major life decisions (including the break up itself) it may be because because you are on the rebound.
Coming to terms with a breakup puts your emotions on overdrive and these intense emotional states will come and go; they will also affect how you proceed with tough decisions.During this period, you should focus taking the proper time to get over your breakup, (my guide to quick recovery) rather than making any major decisions, especially in regards to dating. Allow yourself to fall apart for a month or two.
#6 – You’re Looking For Your Ex-
If you find that you are drawn to dating people who share similar qualities or looks as those of your ex, you are probably still on the rebound. This is also true if you find that you constantly seem to see your ex’s car or always seem to think you see them walking around – trying to establish familiarity is a normal part of the grieving and rebounding process; your mind is searching and longing to replace your ex.
#5 - You Still Think About Your Ex -
If you find that you are constantly thinking about your break up or your ex you are probably still on the rebound. Persistent thoughts of traumatic emotional events is a normal part of the healing process- what this implies, however, is that you are still healing. These thoughts diminish with time and a fully recovered person will experience very few, or no thoughts of their ex.
#4 – You’re Only Dating to “Catch Up” to Your Ex or to Make Them Jealous -
If you find yourself worrying about the fact your ex is dating and you’re not - or if you feel the need to make sure your “exciting and awesome” dating life is made painfully obvious to their ex, you are still on the rebound.
A fully recovered person will date only because it enhances their lives, their ex will not be part of their dating decision-making process at all. For a recovered person, however, there will be no rush, no ulterior motives and things will flow smoothly and naturally in their new relationship. They will also have no concern whether or not their ex finds out about their new fling and there will be no impulse to try to make their ex jealous because the emotional attachment no longer exists.
Basically, if your ex’s life or opinion still dominates your dating decision making – you are still on the rebound.
#3 – You Still Experience Emotional Pain -
This one is simple – people on the rebound still experience waves of anxiety, nostalgia and depression in regards to their breakup. People who have recovered do not – Do you?
#2 – You’ve Lowered Your Dating Standards, Or Haven’t Developed Any -
A recovered person will date to ensure long-term stability and even marriage – they will weigh their odds of relationship success and end new relationships if it does not meet their needs or if they feel it will not stand the test of time.
A rebounder will not think far into the future, they will accept basically anyone that can ease their pain and loneliness. Rebounders will also be very hesitant to end a new relationship until after they fully recover from the original break up; they are too emotionally fragile and scared to return to loneliness and are willing to sacrifice dating quality in the meantime.
In short, if you find that you have no dating criteria, long-term plan, or if you find that you are not screening people out because you feel you deserve better – its probably because you are on the rebound.
And the “Am i on the rebound?” #1 sign- You’re not content when you’re alone.
This is the biggest sign that you are still on the rebound. If you find that you have trouble being alone for a full day, or can’t spend even one evening alone at home – you are more than likely still reeling and grief-stricken from your break up.
Im not saying that you have to be happy being alone, what I mean is that normally people can be perfectly content being alone for a day or two. In other words being alone doesn’t consciously bother them or make them uncomfortable. Rebounders, however, will have their feelings of depression, anxiety and nostalgia aggravated and amplified when they are alone – they need people around.
If based on this article you now feel you are on the rebound, don’t despair. My article getting over a break up spells out exactly what to do to get over a break up fast. I wish you the best, and in the case that you decide that you want to get your ex back and avoid all the pain of a break up, rest assured this is also possible.
I have seen many couples get back together IF they had good guidance and followed the right steps. (Many of the right steps are not what you’d expect.)
If you decide getting back with your ex is the right thing for you Id highly recommend reading my 4 steps to make your ex miss you! Here I have compiled all the BEST information I have gathered to make an ex miss you, along with a roadmap on how to get your ex back! Dont miss this – check it out now!
All the best!
-Nathan J
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