It hurts — I know.
What stated out as “a break” or a temporary set-back in your relationship has turned into what seems like the permanent death of your relationship; your ex has moved on with someone else.
When you see them together online, or on the street, it feels like your heart gets ripped to pieces. Just when you think you’ve got yourself together you’re quickly, and viciously, reminded that you still love your ex, and you know deep down that you want them back.
Wrong. In my experience, there is a 99.99% that their new rebound relationship has nothing to do with love, and I’ve had many clients who get back together with their exs after they’ve strayed.
In fact, there are 3 keys I recommend to getting your ex to come back to you once they’ve strayed:
This is the most important step to getting your ex back. As I always tell my clients, if you can’t control your emotions, I can’t help you.
This means no impulsive texts, no drunk phone calls, no love letters, no crying guilt trips, no angry outbursts, no visiting their friends or parents. Nothing. Stop these now.
You need to make a commitment right now: “I will control all of my actions towards my ex and everything I do will be well thought-out and part of my larger plan.”
If you need to have emotional releases: rely on friends, a punching bag, or a good ol’ fashioned sprint around the block. These help a lot. Emotional control works because it subliminally demonstrates two things to your ex: your interest level in the them is declining, and that you still care for them, but your life goes on without them; this might seem counter-intuitive and the opposite of what you want, but this is exactly what you need to kick-start your ex’s interest in you.
2. Controlled Contact
At some point, you and you ex will communicate again. In fact, it usually happens when there has been between 3-6 days of no contact. When this happens, and the dialogue is open, this is your chance to blow them away and rebuild some of the attraction. This is also your chance to make them miss you. Make sure to read my 4 steps to getting your ex back guide where I describe exactly how to do this.
Again, I want to re-iterate, you need to control your emotions at this time. No begging, no pleading. Instead, you need to become the person you were when you first met your ex; this was probably some combination of mysterious, funny, unique, quirky and flirty. You need to remind them of the absolute best part of yourself; the part they fell in love with. The contact needs to be brief, fun and invoke positive emotion in them. No discussing the breakup.
3. A Changed Person
As the communications progress, you need to subtly imply that you’ve changed. Every breakup has a reason, and every party shares some of the responsibility. It is your job to recognize your role in the breakup and indicate your willingness to change. The goal of this step is to get them to think: “Wow, I really miss them, and they seem to really understand what went wrong. Could it really be that good?” They will be skeptical, but you just need to get your foot firmly in the door.
However, no matter your situation, if you do decide that want to get your ex back before it’s too late, there is still hope….
I would strongly encourage you to learn the 4 steps to reconnecting with an ex as this is a delicate and sensitive time in your relationship. I go into great detail about the 4 first moves to effectively reconnect with your ex and how to get a “second first date”. Check it out now.
Want me to help you one-on-one to help to get your ex back? Click here now for one-on-one coaching and get specialized and personal advice to help you understand exactly how to rejuvenate the love in your SPECIFIC situation in order to get your ex back.
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