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How To Flirt On Facebook – 3 Essential Rules

Important Concepts – How to Flirt On Facebook:

  • The most important thing to remember when flirting on Facebook is to remain playful, use humor, avoid professional or serious language , demonstrate attractive traits, and to control your visibility and privacy.
  • Always use Facebook privacy settings to prevent your crush from seeing personal posts and photos. Control their impression of you by controlling  your entire Facebook world. Only let them see what you want them to see. If nothing else, be sure to hide the drunken photos of you running around in your underwear. Not cool.
  • If your facebook is overloaded with messages from the opposite sex, hide or delete some of them. Trust me – your crush IS creeping your facebook and they don’t want to see lots of competition or an angry ex.
  • Use an inside joke to break the ice online. Make fun of them or someone else in a playful way. Don’t be mean.
  • DO NOT use your status updates to flirt – this means no J-Lo lyrics or cryptic messages. No wall messages either; use private messages or chat only.
  • Make references to your wild side every now and then – break comfort barriers.
  • Emphasize that youre trust-worthy. Remember that trust, attraction and comfort are what separates couples from friends.
  •  Aim for 3-4 messages back and forth for 2 days.  If you’re using chat, keep it at no more than 6 messages each for the first few days. Be busy.

Rule #3 | How to Flirt on Facebook:   Stay Playful

how to flirt on facebookThis should not be a job interview. When flirting on Facebook you need to keep it light, funny and playful. Use emoticons like ‘;)’ and ‘:)’ to show the bubbly mood of your message and to help build comfort.

  • Never get overly-emotional or clingy. Be cool.
  • Avoid using professional, or business-like language. Keep it casual, personable and relaxed.
  • Use an inside joke to break the ice. Make fun of them or someone else in a playful way. Don’t be mean. Keep using humor as you move on to  flirting and dating.
  • Challenge them a bit, make fun of them, rip on them and keep the tension alive by pushing and pulling.
  • Aim for each and every message to cause them to smile or to grin at your mischievousness. Bookmark this page or write this rule down…..whatever you do, never forget this.
  • Your main goal should always be to increase trust and comfort. This is what leads to a date. You need to keep breaking comfort barriers by pushing the boundaries PAST the friend-zone. Talk about what you think is hot or sexy, show your wild side – friends don’t do that with each other. They will get the hint.
  •  If barriers are broken, boundaries crossed and tension built , then the guy should ask the girl out after 2-3 days. (If hes new to dating, the girl might have to do it.)

Rule #2 | How to Flirt on Facebook – Demonstrate Attractive Traits:

Women need to demonstrate maternal traits, self-respect, compassion and intelligence to trigger attraction in guys. Slip these traits into your messages subtly. It goes without saying that you shouldn’t just write “Im smart…;)”  Make it flow. (See How to Get a Boyfriend for more information on what attracts men. )

Men want to demonstrate social competence, confidence and humor while flirting on Facebook. See my article what attracts women for more information.

Demonstrate high-social status by creating your own response pattern. Don’t follow theirs. Ie. If they take a day to respond, respond in 20 minutes – if they respond in 20 minutes respond in a day. Don’t mirror them.

Use the world “No” at least once and subtly reject them in a clearly joking way. This involves taking a risk – be brave and do it.

Rule #1 | How to Flirt on Facebook – Control Your Visibility and Privacy:

Ive flirted with quite a few women using Facebook, and the single most important thing I can advise you to do is to  keep as much of your facebook information hidden from your crush as possible – Less IS more at the beginning of a relationship.

I learned this lesson the hard way, a few years back one of my friends had decided it would be a good idea to tag me in very….”candid photos”  from the bar. (We all have one photo-happy friend like that, don’t we?)

Needless to say, the girl I had been flirting with on Facebook at the time was not impressed. Who knows, had I had her blocked from seeing my photos, we might still be together today…(highly unlikely) 😉

Controlling  your privacy and using only private messages to flirt on Facebook is important for a few reasons:

-It keeps the mystery of early dating alive. They don’t want to know everything about you.
-If you’re interested in multiple people, it prevents them from knowing about each other.
-It prevents your uncle Bill from seeing your flirting techniques and it prevents your crush’s Grandmother from also seeing your flirting techniques. Follow my drift? Awkwardness is not hot.
-Stops you from using cryptic status updates that you hope he will decode and understand. This is super weak and unattractive….be brave and message them directly, this isn’t grade 6.
-It pre-emptively hides awkward or ugly tagged photos so you don’t have to rush to take them down.
-It hides jealous or drunken Facebook wall posts from your ex – it essentially hides your baggage.

Facebook is a great tool for meeting and flirting with people – it allows you to take your time and come up with a good well-thought out message  and it allows you to gather information about your crush.  However, this works both ways, and if you’re not careful you can supply them with information that may make you an undesirable candidate. I would recommend flirting over text versus flirting on Facebook, you get the benefits of the slow message format, but without the privacy risks.

I have also written detailed articles on How to Flirt with a Guy Over Text and How to Flirt with a Girl over text ,  I encourage you to read them as well.

-Nathan Joseph

 Img: photostock, Ref: Study, Cbs

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Nathan Joseph, BA (Hons)

Nathan Joseph is the founder and lead researcher at Get specific answers to your relationship questions from Nathan personally - sign up for One on One Coaching Now! Be friendly - add +Nathan to your Google+ circle.

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