Important Concepts: Should I Call Him?
- Generally speaking, there are 3 situations where this question arises:
- You went on a date, things went well, but he hasn’t called.
- You got in a big fight, now you miss him but don’t want to swallow your pride and call him first.
- And lastly, you guys broke up, and now you miss him and want to talk to him.
- This is one of the most common questions I receive from women – it tells me two things right off the bat: That you’re probably playing games, and you’re in conflict with yourself – basically, you’re suppressing your actual feelings and allowing pride, manipulation and fear dominate your decision making.
- Playing the waiting game, especially in a serious relationship, is highly damaging to the relationship and it only leads to emotional pain – in fact, that’s probably why you’re reading this now.
- The only time you should NOT call your boyfriend is when you have nothing left to say to him, forever. This only comes after break up details are finalized…..and I’m 99.999% certain that is NOT your situation, because again, you’re reading this, so you’re still undecided.
Should I Call Him? | The 3 Situations
#3 – “My date went so well, why hasn’t he called? Should I call him?
Has it been at least 5 days since your date? If it has, then yes, you should call. Send him ONE text or make ONE phone call – hes either luke warm about you, or a guy that refuses to chase (I generally don’t chase, so guys like that do exist.) Either way, if he doesn’t call you back after you try to contact him once, you have your answer. Let it die at that.
If it hasn’t been at least 5 days since your date, don’t call - let him relax and mentally digest the date. Most guys will call after 3-4 days IF they like you. If they don’t like you, you wont hear from them again. Be patient.
#2 – We got in a huge fight, I miss him, but I don’t want to admit Im wrong! Should I call first?
First off, you are wrong – at least partially. I don’t even know anything about your fight but I can guarantee that you did at least one thing wrong, maybe it’s the fact that you overreacted, or maybe its the fact that you haven’t really been attentive to his needs over the last couple of weeks. Either way, you HAD a role to play. Wait a few hours, or at most, a day, and text or call him to apologize for your part in the fight.
Here’s the important part, don’t apologize for things that you didn’t do, don’t pretend everything is okay and don’t excuse what he did wrong. Be firm, but fair.
Explain what you think he did wrong – if hes mature, he’ll at the very least accept your point of view. Explain in clear terms where you stand, and get him to do the same. Work from there, and meet somewhere in middle.
If you cant learn the simple skills of communication and compromise you will never be successful in relationships – start practicing now. The longer you guys wait, the more the relationship is damaged. Ask yourself, is this fight really worth causing irreparable relationship damage? The clock is ticking.
# 1 – We broke up and now I miss him, and I may be regretting it. Should I call him?
First, read my article When to Break up? Figure out if you have already done irreparable damage or if there is anything left to save.
Determine if you REALLY want to get back together, or if you’re just lonely. Always remember, that rejection and breakups cause a temporary enhancement of your desire for a person. In other words, for 2 weeks – a month you WILL be deceptively attracted to your ex, fight through it and don’t let it fool you. It eventually fades back to your original feelings for them over time.
Second, ask yourself “Did we break up out of raw emotion?” Was this the result of anger and irrational thinking? Or was this a long-standing issue. If you broke up out of raw emotion, follow situation #2 and treat it as a fight – that being said, fake break ups are a sign of emotional immaturity, you guys have to work on that as well.
If this break up was a result of a long-standing or compatibility issues you really have nothing to gain from calling him. What will change? Consider the possibility that no amount of conversation can change the underlying fundamental facts that caused the break up in the first place.
Most importantly though, In order to re-build your ex’s attraction and trust towards you you must understand the 4 ESSENTIAL steps to rebuilding a broken relationship - Learn them now! (Dont miss these FREE tips!)
Ref: Study, Dating Img: Paul Gooddy
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