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Signs of Attraction – What Are They?

The human brain controls many of our primary functions subconsciously including our outward signs of attraction. Consider pupil dilation; a basic human reflex that is uncontrollable by the conscious mind. You don’t choose to dilate your pupils – it just happens. Human attraction is also a primitive function, and like pupil dilation, it happens WITH or WITHOUT our knowledge and intention. In short, attraction is not a choice, it’s a reflex. And as with any reflex, it produces uncontrollable physical changes – changes that you can train yourself to pick up on.

#1 – Eyes: They truly are the window to a person’s soul. Eyes don’t lie, so learn to understand what they are telling you.


Prolonged or multiple looks from someone is the biggest and most important sign of attraction. If their glances are accompanied with them quickly looking away when you catch them in the act and their torso and knees pointed in your direction – you’re in.  Think about this for a minute, do you look at things that don’t INTEREST you over and over? No, no one does. I want you to think about the last crush you had. Think about how much time you spent watching them and adjusting your body position so watching them would be easier. See? You do it, and so do they.

Dilated Pupils: This is another sign of attraction. Both men’s and women’s eyes dilate when they are aroused. This one is a bit trickier however because it can only be used later in the dating game as a

close proximity is required.  This indicator is best used during a period of  2-3 second eye contact that occurs right BEFORE or AFTER a kiss. If you’ve had kiss that was really built up, you know the look I’m talking about.  Look for big piercing pupils as a sign of raw attraction.

#2 – Body Language – 80% of all human communication is non-verbal; when it comes to attraction, this number is closer to 100%.

On the first few encounters you have with someone your actions and body language do all the talking for you, your words are merely time fillers to make the situation less awkward and give both people a reason to be standing with each other. Long-term relationships and dating do require more verbal communication, but that’s for another day.

Knees, feet and chest facing you. Some people teach that a person’s head and neck should also be facing you. I don’t agree with this. I’ve found that most people will NOT turn their head and neck towards you (except for short glances) when they are attracted to you. This is a conscious attempt to be subtle. However, most people adjust their body, legs and torso to face you in order to be able to quickly glance in your direction and to hear what you are saying.  In particular, watch their knees, if they are pointing your way, you’re definitely peaking their interest.

Flush skin, cheeks and for women, lips. People generally get flush skin for three reasons: They are embarrassed, aroused or because of the  temperature (too hot/cold). If you can rule out temperature, blushing is a great sign of attraction. The most common reason for blushing is because of embarrassment. Consider that humans only get nervous and embarrassed around people whose opinions we value, people like our bosses, elders, friends and crushes. People DO NOT get nervous around people we whose opinions don’t matter to us.  Does their behaviors suggest they are nervous? If you find that your crush blushes around you  it  means they VALUE your opinion of them – and they want to impress you. Generally speaking, the only other time people get flush is when they are aroused, don’t need to say too much about that one except, that it’s a good sign!

Signs of Attraction – #3: Physical Proximity/ Touching

Someone always being near you is one of the fundamental signs of attraction. Human attraction is much like magnetic attraction – it brings two things together. I don’t mean together in a spiritual or emotional sense, I mean together as in being physically near the other person. At it’s most fundamental level, attraction makes us want to be close to others we find attractive. Think about it, when you’re attracted to someone you look for excuses to walk by them, you brush up against them, grind with them at the club, try to talk to them and you definitely look for ways to sit near them in classes or at work.  So if they’re always around, it’s probably not coincidence, it’s because they have an urge to be near you.

Being touched by your crush is also a sign they are attracted to you. In fact, I label the first time someone touches their crush as “breaking the touch barrier.” This is HUGE step and must be done before your proceed to getting close, holding hands or kissing. If your crush is making an effort to touch you it’s because subconsciously he/she wants to be near you. I mean, do you touch people you aren’t comfortable with? Like the random sweaty guy on the bus? No. Touching is special and reserved for select few people in our lives.  Look for signs of flirting along with the touch to confirm this sign of attraction, particularly: giggling, play fighting, knee touching under a table, arm rubbing and extra long/excessive high-fives.

Understanding Attraction:

Now that you can recognize the signs of attraction, the next step is for you to understand them:

Ultimately, attraction is not a simple thing – it has been fine tuned over millions of years to ensure survival of our species. Trying to understand it using logic doesn’t work. You need to learn to think like evolution  – where the weak die and the strong survive. Survival is the FOUNDATION of attraction. It’s why my article What Attracts Women? makes any sense at all. It is why strength, success, vitality and fertility are attractive traits to have. Remember:

What works in nature, survives. What survives in nature is attractive because it worked. Basically,  things that ANIMALS would have had do to survive and protect their offspring are attractive. Think im crazy? Consider wealth (territory and food), strength (dominance), intelligence, social power (influence), health, youth, fertility and  social pre-selection (pack acceptance)….think real hard about those attractive human traits. Now ask yourself how far off they are from animal survival skills? Theyre not, they are all extremely important tools in ensuring survival in the wild.

If you can understand the significance of the that statement, give yourself a pat on the back. You’re well on your way to dating success.

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For women: If you want to become the type of woman men fall in love with, and crave to marry you must read the 4 steps to making a man fall madly in love. Check it out now!

McGill Universtiy; Sexuality Study

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Nathan Joseph, BA (Hons)

Nathan Joseph is the founder and lead researcher at Get specific answers to your relationship questions from Nathan personally - sign up for One on One Coaching Now! Be friendly - add +Nathan to your Google+ circle.

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