Dating your ex again can be a very strong temptation, especially if you never really got over him or her. Once you have feelings for someone, they almost never completely go away, no matter how bad the break up may have been. Sometimes past relationships can feel like a book that is not quite finished…no matter how much we need to, we just cannot put it down.
Maybe you’ve just had a wonderful conversation with your ex which brought back a flood of warm and fuzzy feelings. Perhaps those feelings have made you forget why you broke up to begin with. So what should you do when you find yourself considering whether or not to date your ex all over again? Is this a case of time healing all wounds, or are you doomed to repeat your past because you have forgotten it? Here are a few tips to help you start over, and perhaps make the second dance even better than the first.
1. Take it Slow – If this were someone you did not know, you would take things very slowly, and get to know the person before becoming serious. You should do the same thing with your ex. If you have been broken up for a significant amount of time, he or she has probably undergone a few changes. (If the breakup was very recent, then you are simply making up, and not truly dating your ex again.)
It is possible that both of you have dated other people, and may have feelings for someone else. Your ex may come back to you only temporarily, and then end up with someone else. Take time to get to know them again, and don’t jump right back into the fire.
2. Have Reasonable Expectations When Dating Your Ex Again For The Second Time– Although your ex may have gone through many changes since you were together, it is unlikely that the things which you did not like about them have changed very much.
If you simply could not live with his or her bad habits before, don’t get your hopes up that those habits are gone. Your expectations of the relationship should be clear, and reasonable. Discuss with each other what you expect, and be honest. Do not push him or her to make promises that they are unlikely to keep.
3. Do Not Live in the Past – Although those good memories can bring back warm and fuzzy feelings, you cannot live there. On the same note, the problems of the past have to be forgotten as well if you hope to succeed in a second time around. Do not base your entire decision to date your ex again on those good feelings which you feel when you see them, or talk to them again. Be realistic and remember that it was not all good. On the other hand, you have to drop the issues from the past. If one of you cheated, or example, you cannot get back together unless the other can honestly trust again. If the one who was cheated on cannot move forward without the constant fear that it is happening again, then dating again is a bad idea. A good rule of thumb in any relationship is this; If the good outweighs the bad, then it stay. If the bad outweighs the good, then go.
4. Communicate – You’ve seen the scenes in the movies. A former couple meets, and instant chemistry. Suddenly, all of the past is forgotten and they are all over each other. Clothes fall off, fires ignite, and passion soars. Then comes the morning. What now? All too often, if this couple gets back together, it will never work. Why? Because they have had no real communication. One night of passion does not erase the mistakes of the past. It is vital to communicate what you want from the relationship, what you would like to be different, and whether or not you can meet your partner’s expectations.
5. Be the Change You Want to See – You cannot expect your ex to make all of the changes to make this second time around work. It is vital that you are willing to look inside yourself and make the changes that you need to make as well. Did your bad habits contribute to the break-up? Did you nag too much, or stay out all the time and leave your ex at home? Were you selfish? Needy? Did you push your ex away? Only if you take an honest inventory of yourself and your own bad habit can you expect your ex to do the same.
If you are not willing to make some changes yourself, then it is better to go your separate ways.
6. Invest in your relationship – The simple fact is most of us are not prepared, and do not have the skills required to reunite with our ex. The pressure, doubt, and emotional intensity causes us to make terrible, on the spot, decisions that can permanently damage any chance we may have with our ex. You need a plan…
Highly Recommended When You’re Dating Your Ex Again:
Must Read: You need to learn the 4 steps to reconnecting with an ex, as this is a delicate and sensitive time in your relationship. I go into great detail about the 4 first moves to effectively reconnect with your ex, and how to get a “second first date”. Check it out now!
Want me to help you one-on-one to help to get your ex back? Click here now for one-on-one coaching and get specialized and personal advice to help you understand exactly how to rejuvenate the love in your SPECIFIC situation in order to get your ex back.
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