Your mind is racing and you feel it in your gut. Something is wrong with your relationship. Should you try to fix things – again? Or is it time to cut the cord? Knowing when to break up is something most people struggle with at some point.
Deciding when to break up is a balancing act. On the one hand you don’t want regrets or “what ifs?” but on the other, you feel the need to be brave, face the world, grow as a person and put it on the line in the hopes of a happier and more fulfilling future.
After years of studying relationships, I started to notice patterns that appeared shortly before a break up. These patterns come as a result of either one person falling out of love, a mismatched relationship or permanent and irreparable damage to the relationship.; circumstances in which breaking up was the best option for the couple. I have organized these patterns into six signs you should look for in order to determine when to break up.
When to Break Up – The Six Signs
6. Mind Chatter
Do you find yourself thinking about breaking up a lot? Usually these thoughts are beyond your control. You try to convince yourself that it’s just nerves or a rough patch, but you start to feel like your lying to yourself. Deep down you know something is wrong. Mind chatter is a sign of your subconscious trying to break through to you. It knows a fundamental truth that you have not yet accepted. My suggestion in this case is to wait 2-3 months and see how it plays out, sometimes it’s just cold feet and it goes away. If you still feel uneasy about the relationship after 3 months, you need to start considering that you may never feel fully satisfied.
5. Increasing Frustration/Irritation
Every couple experiences some frustration and irritation with their partner – it’s normal. When this irritation becomes abnormally excessive, there is cause for concern. If you find that you, or your partner is constantly angry and irritated for over a month, this may be caused by dying attraction (love). As attraction dies, resentment develops; resentment caused subconsciously because they want to love you, and they want the relationship to work, but it’s just not happening. This resentment often manifests itself as constant nit picking, “You can’t do anything right!” statements, criticizing minor details and habits and being overly judgmental. If you or your partner has reached this point it might serve as a indicator that the question “when to break up” might be sooner rather than later. Attraction is difficult to rebuild when it has reached this point, and the relationship is only serving to cause pain and disappointment. This is hardly an environment to grow as a person, which is the most valuable part of any human relationship.
4. The thought of fixing the relationship makes you feel exhausted.
Knowing when to break up is not always apparent, without the proper knowledge you might dismiss emotional exhaustion. If you’re at this point it’s because you’ve tried to fix things before. This indicates that your spending a lot of emotional energy on this relationship and you’re getting tired. A good relationship should make you feel exhilarated, happy and full of life – not exhausted. The first time you have this feeling is an important queue, it’s signifies the realization that the cycle of breaking up only to make has gotten out of control.
3. Dwindling sex life and intimacy
If you’ve noticed that you sex life is almost non-existent and you rarely get close anymore it may be because the attraction (love) is dying. No relationship can survive without intimacy. My rule is that if you can’t remember the last time you’ve held hands, cuddled or had a passionate kiss, you may want to consider breaking up. If you are the one being starved for intimacy, don’t accept excuses for this behavior. The fact is someone who is attracted to you would want to be close to you, at least sometimes.
2. Everyone is telling you to end it.
If your most trusted friends and family are telling you to end it when you ask them when to break up, you should listen. They can see things that you can’t because you’re still in love. Believe me, a year after you break up you’ll see exactly what they were talking about. It just takes time. Listen to them, they have your best interests in mind and they will help you through it.
1. You’re miserable – all of the time.
If your relationship has spiraled downward to the point where you’ve been anxious, angry, sad and confused for at least 3 months, it needs to end. This is especially true if you’ve already tried fixing things numerous times. You’re hanging on to the past when things were good, but you’ve got to accept the new reality that this is no longer the case. Nothing in life is worth feeling miserable all the time and there is only one way to bring joy back into your life and that’s to get rid of the problem – your relationship. It hurts, but think of it like cutting off a diseased limb; you need to be brave and endure TEMPORARY PAIN to save everything else. I’ve written a guide for getting over a break up that I hope can help you through this process.
Ultimately, breaking up is a personal choice and I urge you to TAKE YOUR TIME making this important life decision. Knowing when to break up is not a small decision; the stakes are high, breaking up with someone will permanently damage their trust in you and their feeling of security in the relationship. The relationship WILL NEVER be the same again. Would you feel secure in your job if your boss fired you and later hired you back? Be 100% sure this is what you want before saying it out loud.
Reference: Why Breaking Up Hurts; Time.com
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