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Will I Ever Find Love? – 5 Steps to Finding “The One”

finding love

Q: Will I Ever Find Love?

A: Yes. You WILL.

How can I be so sure? –  If the odds are stacked in your favor they will play out, its statistics, really. The only thing standing in your way is YOU – are YOU willing to take the necessary steps to bring love into your life? I can guarantee you one thing – you have as much chance of meeting someone sitting on your couch as an unemployed person does getting a job that they never applied for – ain’t gonna happen.

Fortunately, you are only three improvements away from breaking out of the dating cycle forever and meeting the partner of your dreams. No, this isn’t going to come with pick up lines, pretending to have a higher social-status (most dating systems use this method) or manipulation – these are all temporary solutions of a larger problem. In order to find lasting love, you need to:

  • Improve yourself.
  • Improve your odds of encounter.
  • Improve your odds of relationship success.

That’s it. Improve those and you’ll be amazed at how quickly “destiny and luck” seem to throw opportunities your way.

Important Concepts – “Will I Ever Find Love?”

Love doesn’t just happen. You’ve probably been told that fate will miraculously lead you to “the one”. It wont, but taking the right steps will.

– Improving your life to attract lasting love will take time and effort. If your interested in a quick-fix, pick-up lines or manipulation techniques, this article is not for you.

– You need to adopt a lifestyle that will increase your odds of finding a good match.

– Finding the perfect lover is much like finding a dream job – they do exist, however you need to fight, compete, search, learn and work to get them.

Will I Ever Find Love? – 5 Steps to Finding The One:

#5- Stop Looking for Love:

That’s right. Counter-intuitive as it may seem you need to STOP looking for love – at least in obvious ways. Looking for love shows A) That you have trouble finding it. Which means that you are not pre-selected by others (an important key in building attraction) and that B) that  dating is a high priority in your life. This casts doubt on the importance of other areas of your life. If dating is the most important thing in your life, people assume it means that you’re looking for someone to INTRODUCE into your life to make it more interesting or better. This kills attraction as it is a subconscious cry for help and for someone to save you. Love isn’t built on pity. Its built on kindness and trust. There is a big difference.

#4 – Improve Yourself:

– Start by getting into good physical shape. Health and physique are a huge part of what triggers primitive attraction.

Follow your dreams passionately – your passion will attract others.  People like people who have that spark and energy in their eyes that accompanies personal success and satisfaction.  Do not compromise your hobbies or dreams for dating – keep taking classes, going out with friends and doing things that make you happy. Focus on mastering your favorite hobbies and advancing your career. Advanced skills and dedication are very sexy traits to have, (who knew?) they trigger attraction because subconsciously you’ve demonstrated that you would make a competent parent (via competence, stability and commitment)- and  survival of offspring is everything when it comes to attraction. Evolution made sure of that.

In short, get out and interact with the universe while constantly improving yourself, the universe will respond back with the most unlikely and random events. You’ll be surprised how significant a seemingly unimportant event can become.

# 3 – Increase Your Odds:

Its time to expand your horizons and move past the singles bars. Lasting attraction takes more than one night to build. The absolute best way to meet someone is to sign up for weekly classes or sports that are 6-12 weeks in length.  Not only will you have fun and improve your skills, you will be surrounded by people who share similar interests as you. You also get 6-12 potential dates with everyone in your class – with no pressure. That’s right, you can date people, build attraction and they might not even know it’s happening.  (As per step #5).  I also find that these classes have a high percentage of singles, new people in town and other people looking to meet new people. All three of which, if used properly, can benefit you in your mission to find love.

Statistically, most married couples meet at work or through friends. While I don’t recommend dating at work, friends can be a good resource to meet someone new. Parties or gatherings offer a casual, no pressure (you’re there to hang out with your friends, after all) way to meet someone new, someone who has been pre-screened by your mutual friends as at least somewhat acceptable. As a bonus, your friends can vouch for you. A good reference from a mutual friend will give you an instant boost in trust and attraction in your crush’s eyes – use it to your advantage.

As far as online dating goes, I always encourage people to try it. It allows you to screen potential dates, there’s alot less pressure than dating in person and you can take your time to respond with the perfect message.

Online dating is a perfect complimentary dating option – why not use it on top all the other methods? Why limit yourself to one? Set up a profile, sit back, and let people message you while youre out living your life. Again, this is about increasing your odds as much as possible. There have been times in my life when I was single, that I was using 6-7 dating options simultaneously. And believe me, the odds DO play out! ;)

If you’ve never tried online dating before, why not try it now? (Hopefully Ive got you motivated to try something new!)

As far as online dating options, I recommend Chemistry.com or Match.com – they are consistently rated the best. Whats better, is that Ive negotiated 14 days free with Chemistry.com for my readers. To date, Ive had over 20 readers email me to tell me they meet wonderful people on Chemistry.com; shake up your life a little bit and try it!

#2 Take Risks: 

The question “Will I ever find love?” should be replaced in your mind to “Am I taking enough risks to find love?” Get out of your shell and learn to face rejection. Everyone gets rejected at some point. When an opportunity presents itself you need to take action. Think about a time, a moment, where you told yourself  “I have to make a move now!” but you didn’t. How long did you regret it for? You need to learn to recognize those moments (see my article signs of attraction -what are they? for queues) when they happen and take action before the door shuts forever. If fear is holding you back, imagine your situation is like jumping off of a high diving board – close your eyes, promise yourself you will not back down, count to 3 and GO! You need to get control of your fears and conquer them. Ultimately, you will never regret things you did, (no matter how awkward or poorly executed) as much as the things you didn’t do.

# 1 Be Selective:

Even when you do find love, it might be short lived if you do not pick the right person. My article on Successful Marriage goes into more detail  about the traits and skills that allow for a long-term relationship to last. In short, ensure the relationship has both compatibility and attraction. If you lack one or the other, the relationship is headed for failure. Screen for dangerous or erratic behavior, emotional immaturity or addiction. The optimal phrase here is “stability without boredom”. Your partner should be, for the most part, stable in their finances, social life, actions and emotions BUT they should be able to keep you on your toes and maintain attraction and sexual tension. A tough and rare balance to achieve.

Recommended Reading:

– My articles: How do you get a man to love you? and how to get a boyfriend? and I HIGHLY recommendThe Women Men Adore” by Bob Grant. It a must read for all women as far as I’m concerned – check out my detailed review.

Ref: Princeton; study marriage, Image: photostock

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Nathan Joseph

Nathan Joseph is the founder and lead researcher at LovetoAttract.com. Get specific answers to your relationship questions from Nathan personally - sign up for One on One Coaching Now! Be friendly - add +Nathan to your Google+ circle.

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